The Worst Wedding Toast

Ever have to make a toast at a wedding? Hopefully it wasn’t an impromptu request (“Hey, Ernie, stand up and say a few words!”) and you had enough time to get your thoughts together, write them down, and feel confident that you’re saying the appropriate words. Well, in this case, you’d think a plane ride would be enough time, but evidently not.

And I realized that what I really want to talk about this afternoon is jury duty. Now, I don’t know how many of you have ever served on a jury, but it’s a fascinating process. I was just on a jury last year for the first time in my life, and I learned a lot about myself and about the legal system. It was a pretty serious case, too. It was actually a murder trial. It was very tragic. It was this old man who got killed, very sad. He was getting money out of an ATM machine in the middle of the day, and some gang kids came up and robbed him and shot him right in the face.

All’s well that ended well, but this is not the sort of verbal diarrhea (or brain fart) that you want to hear at your wedding. Not that it’s in your control. And a lot of people say a lot of awful things in toasts (they think they’re joking, but…) so just smile. Smack ‘em later.

Elizabeth Gilbert remembers the worst wedding toast ever [Other People’s Stories]

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The Worst Wedding Toast

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